I hope all the BOOBS are having a wonderful time at this weekend...I wish I could be there.
I haven't been keeping you all up to date with my progress because, to be honest there has been no progress of the scale variety...that is no-ones fault but my own i know...I have been behaving like a complete fool and eating in a way not conducive to weight loss. The reason is mental and I can't seem to conquer the mental issues and refocus on losing weight. I know I am finding it very difficult at the moment as I'm working longer hours, my eldest son has just started at an expensive private school and for the first time ever he has homework every night and expected to be responsible for himself. To be completely honest with you he is a very bright boy...but he is a very lazy boy! I spend every evening nagging him to start his homework and chasing him around to ensure he's ready for the next day along with all my regular jobs looking after my family, plus getting up an hour earlier to get my son on his school bus. I know a lot of people seem to find this transition easy, but I tend to find all change difficult and stressful. I honestly do feel a little out of control...
On the plus side, I do have to acknowledge the successes, mainly as a result of having the band and actually this proves the very reason that I decided the band was right for me...My recent pattern was to lose weight and then to gain weight...unfortunately the overall trend was up!!! The battle was getting old!!! The wonderful thing about having the band (although I am far from happy with what I see as my abuse of it!) is the fact that when I go through my 'mental' phases and overeat, I can maintain my weight rather than rapidly gaining. This is due to the fact that I can not eat the same large quantities. Also, I've been focusing on gradually increasing my exercise again, which had dropped off during the work I was putting in to get our house ready for the market. It is hard to get back into doing the exercise again once you make the mistake of stopping...I actually felt scared to do it...like I didn't believe I could! So I've slowly stepped it up and I'm now doing something about 4 times a week. I'm planning on adding in some exercise dvd's and also gym classes...I do love it once I'm doing it.
The other good thing that I've noticed is that by just maintaining this weight, and doing some exercise my body shape is actually to my surprise improving! I know that's weird, but I have purchased two new pairs of trousers for work which didn't fit me enough to start wearing and last Saturday night I actually wore a pair out...the tighter pair!!!! I hadn't lost any pounds and yet they were a waay better fit.
I'm not being complacent, I know I'm letting myself down by not putting the effort in and I need to find a way to combat the mental challenges that come with losing weight...but it is nice to see that even by maintaining my weight I can improve my body if I keep up some exercise. My goal there is to get back to loving exercise as I once did when I was fit...and doing it every day...because I CAN. I'm lucky, I don't have as much to lose as some people so I have the luxury of being able to take the scenic route (just as well), but to be honest as I've gotten to know all of you guys, I feel that I'm dishonouring the effort that you are putting in, by not giving it my all.
That is why I've been too ashamed to confess my transgressions here on my blog...also, by confessing, it puts pressure on me to change...I can't confess and continue to fail, it's too pathetic.
I don't usually pray anymore...it's been several years since I prayed with any regularity...but today I prayed to God to ask Him to help me gain control of myself and my eating decisions...it actually helped I think even though I was sitting in the middle of an open plan office at the time so concentration was a little more effort. I need to find the key to gaining better control over my subconscious in order to achieve my goals...it's really a big mental game we're all playing.
Wish me luck people as I wish it for you. xx