Weight Ticker

Tuesday, 27 July 2010

Just a quick one...trying to avert some emotional hunger pangs **Edited**

Hi Guys,

I've just arrived at work...I'm all on my own as the rest of my team is either on hols or out of the office...I've had a row with my hubby and am feeling pretty down and now all I want to do is fill the emotional void with snack food...Luckily I have nothing with me but soup and slimfast...still on my post fill liquids.

I decided the best thing to do was to get on here and post it out there so I would feel that at least you guys know how I feel even if no-one else does.  I tend to need to verbalise...

I have had a nice text from hubby, but sometimes the damage is already done in terms of my low mood...but reading your comments from yesterday has already helped and I'm starting to feel a bit more positive and supported.  Now I'm going to get on google reader and catch up for 20mins or so.  That should have sorted me out before the lunch lady comes shouting her wares and presenting temptation in weak moments...I know I won't succumb...I saw my lowest number yet this morning (188.6) and I don't want to compromise that. 

Thanks for listening. xx

**Go Me...We have a new Starbucks which has opened up in our building and staff keep wandering around our office with free samples of various fattening stuff...I just said NO!! to something yummy looking which appeared to have soft-serve ice cream poking out the top of the cup...I didn't even let the girl with the tray get close enough to see what it was, I just smiled and shook my head...OMG...I have nerves of steel...sometimes.  There is hope for me yet! Feeling way better now...xx

Monday, 26 July 2010

Born Again...

Hi to all my banded buddies...and any as yet to be banded alike.  I have now been reborn as a newly formed bandster who is going to get that scale moving again.  Enough already with the stagnation that I've allowed to take hold since my now distantly remembered holiday!

As I mentioned a few posts ago I had made an appointment for another fill, which I had on Sunday.  The fill wasn't strictly medically necessary truth be told, but I needed it for my brain! I have 12 months of inclusive aftercare, so I figured that even if I then decided I was too tight and went back for a slight defill later the extra face time at the hospital was going to be a real motivator to keep me going in the right direction. I've recently not only been overeating, but also not exercising and so it really only was a matter of time before the scale became upwardly mobile...in fact I think that I was actually starting to lose muscle and gain fat (hence the scale staying stable, but my jeans feeling snugger!).

I am including a picture here that I took just now (had to lie down on the kitchen floor to accomplish it as I couldn't see what I was taking it of and my hand and camera were blocking the light...the lengths I'll go to to get a little sympathy).  I mentioned after my last fill that my port had moved and tilted and the surgeon struggled to get the adjustment done, but with his experience he knew what he was feeling for and it didn't take him very long to do it...I'd forgotten that and this time I had the nurse, who try as she might was unable to locate the port and tilt it in the correct direction. After much struggling and a change of needle she called in the surgeon and he had to do it. Mostly it wasn't too painful, but there were a few periods where it did hurt and sting quite a bit and I was relieved when it was all over and more than a bit tender for the rest of the day!

Anyway without further ado...

Nice isn't it???? You can even see my lovely little tummy button scar from my surgery. Cute hey? Sorry about the minging black sticking plaster mark I'll have to get some cream or oil onto it to get it off...I have showered honestly! Oh..Hold the phone...I just managed to scratch it off...caused I believe by my brown linen trouser fluff sticking to the glue residue according to my deductive reasoning...not much gets past me!

The surgeon said to the nurse...'This is one of those non-sutured ports...we've had a couple of these' hmmm, not sure I'm thrilled with that, but as long as they can access it that's what counts right?

(Wow, that really took some doing to get this photo loaded up too...my iPhone is playing up and I had to bluetooth it to the laptop using an iPhone app, then Blogger couldn't open the file, so I had to upload it to Snapfish and then copy it back to my laptop!!! At least I managed it though it's the first time in months I've worked out a way of getting my photo's off my phone...somewhat laborious though...this things going back to the shop just as soon as I have a spare two and a half hours to do it in.)

I'm sticking to liquids now for a few days and then mushies.  I've been pretty good, with about 800 cals yesterday and I'd had two cappuccino's (with skim milk) by 1 o'clock today, then a can of mushroom soup and a slimfast shake...then it went slightly wrong as I felt really flat (I think from the low cals) and the headhunger kicked in about 4:30 and I did then consume about 300 or so non-liquid cals! Not a calorie disaster as I'm now done for the day, but I felt like a guilty binger none the less.  'Bless me Father, for I have sinned' that's how I feel...I give myself a MUST TRY HARDER mark on my report and a do-over.

Wish me a bit of extra will power as I'm obviously running a bit short...

Saturday, 24 July 2010

Bye Bye *~D~*...Sorry you had to go...

Hi everyone,

It's a bit of a sad story that our friend *~D~* from 'A Fat Chick Gets Skinny' has left us and withdrawn her blog...she felt unloved and unsupported and generally as though we didn't love her enough.  That is so sad and I think she's made a big mistake in leaving us...because now I'm worried that she's going to be all alone. She's just moved to a new part of the country and doesn't really know anyone, she has real financial pressures and hasn't yet found a job, her hubby is in the armed forces and is away a lot, her dog is really sick...she's just been having an awfuly tough time lately and (I suspect due to the summer time meaning we are all out and about so much more and not up to date with our blog reading) she has been getting very few comments on her blog. Well yesterday I read her post saying 'bye bye' to us all and that she obviously just wasn't entertaining enough to be accepted and today her blog is totally gone!

I just mention it because I read her posts late and didn't comment because there were already newer ones, but she didn't even get one comment about her dog very nearly dying and I just thought...no wonder she felt hurt! She won't even see this as she doesn't follow my blog...'Hey! maybe I should be sulking about that!' but I just hope that she realises that she was a bit hard on us and comes back to the fold...not for us really (although I did like reading her blog), but for herself...the times when you are on your own are the times you most need the non-judgemental support you get here. 'Come on ~D~ I for one pledge to try harder if you come back.  xx

Friday, 23 July 2010


Hi Guys,

Just to keep you in the loop...our offer was accepted on the farmhouse! Yay, we are now soon to be farmers!! As long as the paperwork is all in order of course...Just gotta sell our house now so we have some money to do the work on it. We must be a bit mad as it really is a big mess, but the views are to die for and it's the dream of rural life that we have with 20 acres to go at! Really, really happy! Thanks for all your support. xx

Friday, 16 July 2010

Warning! Warning! Danger Will Robinson! Excessively long post...

Hello...I guess I was a bit squiffy the other night...I even forgot I posted...hmm, I did have a nice night out though.

I don't know what I was thinking promising to tell you funny friend stories??? It really is only funny if you know the people in question and the back story is sooo long you'd have fallen asleep before I got half way through it so I won't give you the blow-by-blow. No thanks is necessary.

Anyway, on to a  far more thrilling topics...I mentioned a couple of posts ago that we were all stirred up about a derelict farmhouse that had come up for informal tender...well the offer deadline was today.  We have our house to sell and it is now on the market, but we decided that as we wanted this farmhouse so very badly we would approach a bank manager that my hubby has a good business relationship with and they have been doing business deals for years and years so there is a history of trust and knowledge of our business position there. He yesterday, after checking over our papers agreed to finance a bridging loan at a very good interest rate (interest only) so that we could put in a cash offer today.  yay, that makes our position a lot stronger than saying we will give you X when we sell our house.

Last night I just felt sick with knots in my stomach about what we would decide to offer today and whether it would be enough, or whether we would offer our utmost when we didn't really have to...

Last night we sat down and decided on a three offer strategy. One amount in cash now, or two a higher amount after our house sells, or three an even higher amount to include an extra parcel of land that is also up for sale - again when our house sells...then this morning lying in bed I was thinking to myself, what if they think...'lets take the higher amount and put a time deadline on the house sale, which then reverts to offer 1 if the house isn't sold...which disincentivises us from selling quickly...then in say six months the interest rate has gone up and it all goes to heck! I thought by offering a higher amount and giving them a fall back position we were encouraging them to be greedy and take the higher offer with a belt and braces safety net of the cash offer on the back burner...I obviously don't want to pay more than necessary as the more we pay the less we can afford to borrow to renovate it! I decided that it would be smarter to stretch our cash offer to the limit and just put that in.  I told hubby my thoughts and he confessed he'd been lying there thinking the exact same thing! Synchronicity!

So we were in complete agreement about what to offer...we put the offer in and then before close of business today we phoned and sounded the agent out on our chances.  It looks pretty positive as he said we were a front runner and we'd put in a strong offer. We need to wait till Monday when the offers will be discussed at a Board meeting (the property is owned by a trust) and we may know something...although in all likelihood it will be a case of verifying our position first and then waiting for others to verify theirs. I suspect we may be the best cash offer, but there may be higher offers conditional on sales of other properties. The vendor has been through the experience of accepting offers and waiting for sales which never came and then being back on the market twice before getting to this point...so they are not going to be mad keen on going there again...it may mean that they decide 'a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush'. Fingers and toes crossed.

Now I'm really annoyed because I've had so many Blogger glitches while I've been trying to type this post!!! I've  now lost a load of paragraphs twice!!! aaarrrrgggghhh!!!

I was saying something about my iPhone malfunctioning in about 3 different ways! one of which being that I can't download my photo's! I use PC's and none of the programmes on which I can download photo's will recognise my iPhone! Only iTunes can recognise it, but of course iTunes cannot be used to download photo's.  I'm going to try and get my phone replaced under warranty as soon as I get a chance (it runs out in September). Once I do that I'm going to be able to post photo's relevant to the posts I'm doing which is always good, I might even post pics of myself! I probably won't get rumbled being anonymous, but using pics. If anyone does rumble me, they are more than likely interested in being banded or are banded anyway which I won't even mind! I think it will be good as it helps to feel more involved with people if you know what they look like. My husband will not approve of this idea as he is VERY private and is especially paranoid of the Internet and any info that is out in cyberspace which I can definitely appreciate...but I don't usually do what I'm told...(neither does he for that matter!)

I love you all and I have been working hard to catch up on all your blogs which I find frustrating because there are so so many thought provoking posts that I want to comment on...but it's too late! Hey! Catch up! That was two weeks ago!!! One thing that is good about being behind is that i tend to go on Google reader and see who has the highest number of unread posts and read them in order...it gives you such a good feel for the person...much better than reading one at a time interspersed with 120 others.

Oh! Another great thing about today! My boys got their school reports today...I'm so so proud of them! My eldest is just downright clever. He's gotten into a very selective private school, but I still worry because he is soooo lazy and so easily distracted. I just hope he rises to the challenge because the level of work will be a lot harder than at the local school. They study the International level examinations rather than the regular kind as they have a high number of students who get into Oxford and Cambridge and apparently the regular level GCSE's are not at a high enough level to equip them! Scary.

And my youngest in his first three years at school struggled with an undiagnosed condition known as 'selective mutism' I had never even heard of it, but I knew there was a problem and the teachers knew there was a problem. One of the side effects was that he felt too self conscious to express himself in any creative writing exercises and fell behind in school especially in this area.

In this report although he was well above average in his maths and reading and science, the thing I was most proud of was that he was AVERAGE in his writing. I know this has been a massive challenge for him to 'put himself out there' in his writing and I nearly burst with pride to see that he had worked so hard at it and covered that lost ground.  At the end of last year he was quite behind in his writing, so this showed a big move forward for the year and a really special achievement.  His brother was criticising his result as it was less than he'd gotten in the same year, but I said I was most proud of that score of all of them and I could hear in my sons voice that it meant a lot to him too.  What a wonderful moment as a mum.

I do feel so very lucky today, my boys mean everything to me and I just want everything good for them. I want to try and circumvent every bad experience and the thought that I can't do that does cause me anxiety.

Thank you to those of you who have managed to persevere to this point...I'm actually having an eye twitch now and jumpy vision, so I've probably gone on for too long now...I've got my second viewer on the house tomorrow...I don't know what's going on, is my house not as great as I think it is? Only two viewers in a week! I thought I'd be inundated!

Ciao for now! xxxx

Wednesday, 14 July 2010

Happy Anniversary to me...

Hi Guys,

I've just come back from a lovely night out for my 13th anniversary.  I may be slightly drunk...I'm not entirely sure.,,

My son thinks I may have been a little too backward in coming forward when he realised we'd been dating for 7 years before we got married...I told him I didn't want to rush into anything....

Had a lovely night anyway...and I even got flowers...hmmm not an everyday occurance.  I'll fill u in tomorrow on the funny friend stuff that';s  been going on today... quite humorous.


Monday, 12 July 2010

Drifting along...

Hi guys,

I haven't really posted on my band progress in a little while now...as we all know when that happens it's usually because...nothin's happening. Well this time is no exception.

Ever since I came back from my holiday, I've mentally been like I'm still on holiday and I'm eating just anything and everything I fancy with no real ability to say no! The only positive in all this is that I haven't been putting on weight! The reduced portions and extra filling qualities of fatier food has meant that I have been wavering within the same two pound region now for weeks and weeks. I just have not been focused on weight loss at all. It's as though I've forgotten all about my little bandy friend. Funnily enough though, because I've been fairly active and I've managed to maintain I've actually felt quite positive about it. I'm following my normal ebb and flow routine mentallity of dedicated dieting followed by complete lack of regard for good food choices and this time I'm not piling it all back on.  That my friends is to me a huge NSV!

I've been pondering getting a small fill now for over a month, but I know in reality I do have enough restriction that if I actually made better food choices I'd lose weight, so I've held off having a fill.

Today I phoned and booked a fill...Sunday 25th July. The real reason I've booked this is because I know it's the only way to get me physically and mentally back in touch with the fact that I have undergone surgery and spent 8,000 hard earned Pounds (of the cash variety) to lose this weight and my non-cooperation with the process is not going to do it for me in a reasonable time-scale. I know I will comply with the three days liquids, three days mush following the fill and then I will in all likelihood try very hard to get down below 13 stone (182lb). This will mean I'll be very comfortably in all my UK size 16 clothes, many of which are currently just that little bit too snug. I'm currently wavering between 189-191lbs.

Sometimes I feel like I might not be too worried about doing this nice and slow, and waiting till I feel the real need to get my weight moving down again, but part of me is a little scared that we never know how long we will be able to keep these bands for and I'm worried that I may be unlucky and have mine fail before I've achieved my weight-loss goals. That's really why I've decided to go in for a small fill and kick start my motivation that way. I figure I've got a years inclusive aftercare, so I can always get some removed if necessary. The more contact I have with my provider I find the more focused and motivated I am, it really engages me with the process...I think the fact that I missed my last support group meeting was a contributing factor to my not getting back on track. Also, the house move possibility and all the work that's created has been a real distraction...whilst it's kept me active it's also kept me out of the gym and away from blogging.

Sorry if this 'navel gazing' is all a bit dull to read...but I know you all appreciate that this kind of self examination is a necessary part of unpicking our behaviour sometimes. Thanks for listening. xx

Saturday, 10 July 2010

Where to start???

I've been so busy this last couple of weeks I literally haven't had a moment to myself.  I mentioned in an earlier post I think that my husband is determined to live on a farm in a rural location, close to where he grew up.  This isn't as bad as it sounds as the area is only a 10 minute drive from our current home and civilisation. 

Well...for the past two years we've had an ongoing relationship with a derelict farmhouse and land in a lovely location that we've wanted to buy. Initially we tried to buy the farmhouse and a converted barn, the two lots are part of the same property and both come with land (the vendor wouldn't sell them separately), but the bank decided to up the interest rate it had initially offered us and put us on less favourable terms (due to the recession biting) so we had to pull out...I was relieved as I had felt that it was going to be a stretch for us and we would have no wriggle room if things went wrong in any way.

We again suggested that we would buy the farmhouse & land lot, but were again told they were not going to sell them separately for fear that if their was development work going on next door they wouldn't be able to sell the barn conversion!

Anyway...low and behold two weekends ago a brochure comes in the post for the self same farmhouse! The vendor has now sold the barn and is asking for informal tenders on the farmhouse! How annoying! Now instead of negotiating a price with the vendor we have to go in blind with our top offer, possibly paying far more than we would otherwise have to as we will have no idea whether there are even any other offers never mind how much they might be.

Since receiving this brochure we have put our house on the market and have spent the past two weeks painting and refurnishing the childrens bedrooms (which was desperately overdue) in the hopes of making these two quite small and slightly dark rooms look light spacious and airy!! (It's actually worked if you can believe that...amazing the amount of clutter that builds up over the years).

I've also spent an enormous amount of time organising and decluttering our office...I'm a terrible one for keeping every receipt from anything I've ever bought...every instruction manual...every little treasure ever brought home from school. I also ran my own business for a few years so I have mountains of that paperwork to store.  It took a super-human effort...but I did it.

My husband is the sort who despises deadlines in his home life...I think they stress him out, so his way of coping is to think...well it's not important so I won't worry about it...well we had our very first viewers booked in this morning...a couple who have nothing to sell was all we knew about them. So I decided that the deadline for decorating the bedrooms and sorting the office was Friday night so that I could do a good old clean this morning. Well hubby thought...'naaahhh, not gonna be possible, not enough time'...so guess who did most of the work ME! I wasn't too pleased with the non-cooperation but we got there in the end and I've never worked so hard and sweated so much or moved so fast as I have this week...but by 10:45 (viewers arriving at 11:00) It was all done. Phew!

The viewers walked up the front path...a retired couple...the lady was hobbling badly with a cane and was quickly out of breath...our house is definitely more a family home than anything else and it is on a large plot hence lots of mowing and gardening.  The lady was out of breath long before she reached the bottom of the stairs and I was quite worried as to whether she was actually safe to go up as she wasn't at all steady on her feet...needless to say I'm not expecting an offer! Oh well...at least it spurred me on to finish the jobs and the house is so squeaky clean now I don't know for the life of me what to do with the rest of my day!

Kidding...I just gave myself a very pampery pedicure and painted my nails...unfortunately I think I did them too thick as they aren't setting and I've already trashed one nail removing my toe spacers...I had to take them off as they were causing a lot of discomfort by that stage!

The due date for offers on the dream property is Friday 16th July...so I'll let you know how that goes! I'm quite hopeful as I've always had a feeling this was THE HOUSE, but this time around circumstances seem to be aligning themselves quite serindipidously (if that is an actual word)...soooo fingers crossed all. xxxx