Weight Ticker

Thursday, 29 April 2010

Fat Secret

I've started using an app for my iPhone that I've had on there for ages and not even really looked at. It came up in the support group that one of the girls had an app that was good for checking out calories of restaurant dishes etc. So I pulled out my phone and started looking at this free app that I'd downloaded called..you guessed it...Fat Secret...sounds lovely doesn't it?

I've had a good look and although it's mostly American...yes okay...fine for most of you guys...it's very good (so far anyway, I've only been using it for three days). Not all the foods I eat are on the database, but you can enter your food details onto the database via the website and that product is then on there for everyone to use.

You can do loads of useful stuff on it like keep your food diary (you can do a barcode scan with your phone to automatically enter food into your food diary!!!), an exercise diary, log your weight which goes on a line graph, a diet calander (showing the daily calories eaten, plus a breakdown of fat, carbs etc. number of calories burnt, including sleeping, resting and exercise, and the difference between the two), sections on popular brands, restaurants & chains, supermarket brands, etc.

You can go onto the website even without the app and do it on-line too. You register and you can join a group, I've joined one for people with gastric bands, but you don't have to join one. Online you can add new foods to the database, you can keep a journal which can be private or public, post threads within a group if you have joined and join challenges. I'll see how it goes, but so far so good.

The best thing about it is it's free, so if you lose interest it doesn't matter.

Tuesday, 27 April 2010

Support Group

Hi All,

Went to the monthly Support Group meeting yesterday...they are talking about changing it to an online forum and education session that you can log into and post threads that will be answered by Stuart the nutricianist who runs the support group and Dr Ashton to try to reach more patients as the groups are currently quite small. I enjoy going and chatting about issues with the other patients and the education sessions are useful. I get the impression though that Stuart prefers to keep a tight reign on things and not let us chat too much...he seems frustrated when he can't get a word in edgewise...get used to it...it's a group of mostly women...we like to talk! and we like to share!

I also get the impression when I talked to Stuart in the break about my plans for the next couple of weeks to get back on track, he really didn't want to have to listen to it. Surely that's his job...or is it just me he finds tiresome...I don't know but it doesn't give you a warm and fuzzy feeling! Saying that he is very nice and very good at his job so I've decided to give him break...he might have been having a bad day.

There is a lady who goes who is a GP by profession, she's very nice and has been having a hard time appying herself to the diet side and also has found that she has no restriction despite having a whopping 10mls put in her band!! This week she told me that she'd found out she has a leak in her band and has to have the port and tubing replaced. Hence the lack of restriction! She seems quite down about it as she has struggled so long and now has to not only have more surgery, but pay for it and she also has to pay for a locum to cover her surgery whilst she's off as she has no holiday pay left. The surgeon and anaesthetist have both said they'll give their time for free so the cost I think is for the hospital...she'll get confirmation soon as to how much it will cost her, so fingers crossed it'll be low or even gratis! If the band proves to be fauly I'm sure she'll have some legal recourse.

We were discussing it after and I mentioned the newly introduced guarantee. A girl who had her surgery the same day as me said that she had signed the new contract with the guarantee!!! How frustrating to think that I should have been told this was coming in and wasn't. I only signed my contract a week or two before the surgery! I can assure you that if I do need the revision surgery I shall be making a fuss about it. hummmph!

2nd Fill...and a moving port!!!

I went for my second fill on Saturday...bit of a pain as the support group meeting is on the Sunday so I had to spend two afternoon's there instead of one. Luckily I left half an hour early (after being late for my xray fill I wasn't letting that happen again.) The traffic was so hideous due to a football game in the area that it took the whole half an hour extra to get there and I arrived right on time for my fill...but...you guessed it, due to the traffic they were running 45 minutes late on their appointments! Oh well, better them late than me.

The worrying thing that I found out was that my port is moving around!! What's that about?? When I had my xray fill Dr Ashton found it immediately and was able to get the needle in without any hesitation. This time he felt around...then felt around some more..then lowered the bed head...then had another couple of feels. Then he said with a look of consternation on his face, but not looking at me, as he went over to set up the needle...'your port is moving'. Then he came back with the needle felt around for a while longer and finally put the needle in. The fill was done then without any difficulty and the port wasn't mentioned again. I was hesitant to ask as he didn't seem in a very good mood and he hadn't brought it up. Silly I know, but I needed to chew on it a bit longer myself.

He put a further 1.3mls in my band bringing me up to 6.8mls in total.

When I came out of the appointment and was having a drink to make sure I could get it down okay I saw the nutricianist walk past so I grabbed him and asked him about the financial situation should I need to have port revision surgery as I was concerned that if it were to twist or leak that's what I would need...after only three months I can't help thinking that it should be covered. The annoying thing is that they've recently since I've signed my contract introduced a guarantee for the surgery and an extra year aftercare inclusive in the price! He said I'd need to phone and ask which contract I'm on...I have checked my contract and it is as I suspected that I am on the old agreement whereby they contract out of any liability for complications and associated costs.

Let's just hope that this doesn't become necessary. I'm going to try not to dwell on it.

Sunday, 25 April 2010

Drazil's Friday Bring Your Own Crazy Quiz....here goes

Hi All,

I'm taking part in Drazil's BYOC quiz for the first time ever...hope you're all excited, it's a bit late but here goes...

1. Name a career you would NOT want to do and tell why.
The career that I would NOT/could NOT do is Teach children. When I finished high school I just had no clue what I wanted to do for a career and the only thing I had experience of was the school system, so I went into teachers college as they called it then.

Apart from the fact that I just did not have the maturity then to do that kind of job, I most certainly did not have the patience for it. I remember telling my boyfriend at the time that I was applying for teachers college and his reaction was to laugh out loud! He just thought it was utterly hilarious that someone as impatient as me could even think of being a teacher. I was pretty surprised at peoples reactions as I had no idea that people had that impression of me..people who really knew me I mean...As it turns out they were completely right...I so could NOT do that job!!! I admire good teachers and I really don't know how they do it.

As an addition to the above, my parents confessed that when I had my first son they were slightly dubious as to what kind of parent I was going to make...again, I'm so glad! I think over the years I'd made various harsh and intolerant sounding comments about children and their various behaviours which made my parents wonder whether motherhood and I were designed to go together. Fortunately I've been happy to prove them wrong on this one...My mother actually told me a couple of weeks ago that she regularly discussed with her friends what a good mum I am. It's been 11 years since I had my first son so I'm sure she's quite forgotten her worries of all that time ago and isn't telling her friends in a surprised way...I think she's bragging is all. That's a nice thing to hear from your mum, kind of makes up the for the doubts she had in my late teens and twenties...almost. :0)

2. What’s the best present you ever received for your birthday?
I know this is very unspiritual sounding and very materialistic, but my two favourite birthday presents have been my iPod one year and my iPhone for my last birthday, both from my hubby. I'm very attached to these gadgets. When I used to have trouble sleeping, with worries tumbling over in my mind for hours making me feel anxious and keeping me awake. I downloaded all the Ricky Gervais podcasts and audiobooks as they came out and I would play them when I went to bed with the sleep timer on. This successfully distracted me from bad thoughts and I would fall asleep in probably 10 minutes on most nights. Yes! bonus! my iPhone let's me have access to my emails and I can browse the net, read all your blogs and catch up on forum posts while I'm on the train to and from work or on holiday. Just fabulous.

3. This is from Amy W. (I had a request to copy her question and ask it today in BYOC) (Hope that’s okay Amy!)

What do you hide behind?

The last ten years or so I suppose I hide behind inconspicuous clothes to try not to be noticed as I haven't felt good about the way that I look. I also have always hidden behind various self-sabotages as I'm so convinced I'll fail at things that my negative thought process actually makes it happen.

I think it's great that so many of you are super confident regardless, or perhaps because of your size. I've been thinking about it and I think my opinion of how other people will value me is so low that I feel that when I'm very overweight it draws peoples attention to me in a negative way and will make them look down on me/dislike me and my self-confidence just disappears except with people I know well (I don't suppose it gives people much credit for any depth does it!). I know that as I lose weight I will gain in confidence and I think it's a shame that so much of my self-worth is tied up in my weight. One thing I've learned from so many of you is that people will perceive us as worthy if we project that we believe we are worthy and that we love and value ourselves. Big lesson

4. Where were you born?
Port Moresby, Papua New Guinea

5. A little twist on this one..usually we ask – what blog spoke to you the most, stuck with you, had the most effect on you this week? This week I’m adding to that which comment may have affected you greatly? Sometimes a blog can lead to amazing comments and they deserve their own claim to fame here in this question.
Chelles's comment on 'back boobs made me chuckle on Amy W's blog on Tuesday;and a post answering Amy's question 3 above on her Friday blog by Pamela E Williams was really brilliant. She talks about growing up being different from her siblings and not feeling attractive, but she was smart, so she used her intelligence as a sheild and a consolation and an identity.

Thursday, 22 April 2010

Big First Fill

I know, I know...what is this? Nothing for 2 weeks and then 4 posts in one day??!!

It's just to say that when I went for my first fill as I probably mentioned at the time, I was running late and Dr Ashton didn't ask for my fill record card and fill it in and for some silly reason I didn't think to ask how much fluid he'd put in...let's face it, I tried to leave the table with the needle hanging out of my port...I obviously wasn't especially sharp that morning! How could anyone forget they had a huge needles stuck in their stomach?

On Monday, having made the decision the day before that I was going to phone for a fill...who should phone me but Claire the Healthier Weight nurse to see how I was finding my first fill. I took the opportunity of 1st booking my next fill (Saturday) and 2nd of asking how much fluid had been put into my port...I thought maybe 2ml, 2.5ml...No, try again...a whopping 5.5ml had been put in for a first fill! I'm not complaining as I could see from the xray at the time that the barium was passing through at the correct speed of around two contractions of the stomach. It looked slowed, but not too slow if you see what I mean.

I'll let you know how I get on with the new fill on Saturday!

Diet Fatigue...

As I'm sure I've already mentioned, my weightloss is super slow. I seem to lose a pound, put a pound on, lose 0.2lb, lose another 0.2lb...get the pound off again, then put on 0.4! It's what's known in the diet trade as the circuitous route! I think a big part of my problems now is what I'm calling 'diet fatigue'!

The initial fear and novelty value has worn off the band and I'm struggling to maintain my motivation to overcome my eating issues and eat few enough calories on a daily basis to lose a significant amount of weight.

I've dieted now, (yo-yo'd I should say) for the past five years solid. After an initial very successful period where I'd managed to lose 37lbs and eventually plateau, I cycled between renewed committment and weightloss; and frantic binges ending up over time within a couple of pounds of where I'd started!

Each time I became remotivated and tried again, my motivation was that bit shorter lived and more easily destroyed if I didn't have the weightloss I felt I'd earned for a week or two in a row.

On a positive note...I've come to the acceptance that I am not going to shock and surprise people with a dramatic weight loss and that's okay. I'll be more than happy if I am just going down...that is something I would never have accepted in my Slimming World days (I was discouraged if I lost less that a pound a week and if I'd been 'good' I expected to lose at least 2lbs or more.

My main reason for deciding I could relax and accept a slow loss was the realisation that this time I am going to keep it off!!!

I've already had the odd bad week and I haven't put anything on to speak of, and I can't eat anythig like the quantity of food I could before, so that's damage limitation.

No...despite my imperfect restriction and despite my food related issues, I'm happy that I've had the band and I'm happy that I'm going in the right direction. There's a lot of trial and error involved and sometimes I fall on my ass and eat the wrong things and miss out on opportunities I should have taken to exercise, (I am bone-idle when it comes to jumping about)...but sometimes I do right and sometimes I lose weight! It's all good...and I have a fill on Saturday so look out!

Cara (The Dash) said that when I reach good restriction I won't be focused on food so much...can't imagine it, but I really would love it to be true. It's hard to resist food when you're thinking about it all the time...

Checking restriction

Hi All,

Since the Easter break I've been trying to get back to the real world and see how my restriction is working for me (as I mentioned in a recent post).

Catching up with last week...I meant well I really did, but my body just wasn't co-operating! This seems a little unnusual and I'm hoping it's just a phase...I'll explain.

I decided I was going to follow the hunger more and not eat for the love of eating, whilst still having at least three decent meals a day of course. This seemed to be going fine at work. I ate sensibly...I had some fruit and yoghurt with me, so if I had been hungry I could have eaten them.

I finish work in time to catch the train home and pick up the kids from school at 3:15 but most days by the time I'd gotten down to school from the train I was really feeling hungry and weak. I'd gone from not hungry...to ravenous!! WTF?? On the walk home I felt completely drained and a bit faint and when I got home each day the cupboard contents emptied themselves into my mouth!!! Needless to say this ruined my appetite for my evening meal and completely scuppered my chances of losing ANY weight!

Then on Saturday I decided I was determined to lose some weight over the weekend and was going to be very good! Felt fed up and deprived on Saturday, but managed to eat only low calorie healthy food when hungry and not eat anything in between meals. I felt very virtuous when I showed a loss on the scales on Sunday morning.

But Oh No...we went out for the day as a family on Sunday and I was sssooooo hungry at lunch time from the day before's deprivations (proper hunger) that I ate an entire chicken wrap and a jam doughnut. My husband was stunned...I could have happily inhaled two of the sugarry monsters but people were watching! I'd had my regular portion of porridge for breakfast and it was only 12:00pm so what was that about???

Immediately following that lunch I decided that I would by phoning for another fill ASAP.

Why is it that a decrease in calories on one day (or one part of the day) is seriously affecting my appetite the next day (or during the afternoon), when I've eaten enough calories. This doesn't usually happen when I'm dieting (I'm far from starving myself). Like I said before I hope it's just a phase. Hhhmmmm

Problems with Blogger in Draft!!!

Sorry all...had all good intentions of posting loads this morning, but when I logged on my blog wasn't displaying properly and is almost impossible to read. So I've tried changing the template, by when I view it the old, faulty template is displaying! Hopefully this is fixed soon...be patient with me.

P.S. Just got caught by my boss on Blogger instead of working...whoops! I'm slightly red-faced. Serves me right I suppose for being naughty in work time. I'll check in tonight and hopefully things are back up and running and I'll update you on my last two weeks.

P.P.S Thanks to all those who've commented...It's really nice to read them.

Friday, 9 April 2010

The Lightbulb moment on Thursday

In my last post I had complained about feeling in the depths of misery on Monday and also have a terrible attack of the nibbles, in fact my snacking problem had been present to some degree for a few days. The explanation at last became clear yesterday...TOTM!

My explanation for not knowing what was going on is that I have the Depo Provera jab quarterly, which is a progesterone only hormone and it means I rarely have any...outward signs...shall we say of where I am in my cycle. I'm going to write it down in my food diary today and keep better track so I can account for difficult weeks food wise rather than beat myself up...I'm getting black & blue!

After reading Cara's post yesterday which had a bit about eating too quickly and stretching the pouch, I tried really hard to go back to tiny bites and eat slowly, and I did eat slower and smaller bites, but I find it so hard to eat small bites of salad...you need a nice big fork-full with a bit of everything on it idealy...I'll have to settle for less than ideal I suppose. The other thing about salad is that you'd think it would be good band food as it's nice and crunchy, but I don't find it fills up my pouch and gives me a satisfied and full feeling. Does anyone else find this or is it just me? Also, after I finished my meal I then ate about three of my childrens chicken goujons...aaarrrggghh why? because I didn't feel satisfied and I then overate and felt terribly full...very very bad band behaviour and it could threaten my band. I actually think I need to consider this behaviour and give it some serious thought...Is it caused by feeling deprived by small portions? Is it caused by feeling deprived by trying to be on a 'diet' (again refer to Cara's post)? I always did overeat before, both snacking and eating too large portions so I guess this behaviour is not going to change overnight.

One thing I am going to do from now on which is important and will probably really help this problem is to focus fully on my meal and stop doing something else at the same time. This is a big no, no and I've been very much guilty of it...I ate my porridge whilst typing this post...right before I decided that I wasn't going to do that anymore, in fact it helped me realise the problem as it was gone before I knew it. I guess it turns my meals into 'unconscious eating'.

I spent ages yesterday evening messing with my blog account to move a private family blog I have to another Google account as I think it was causing problems with my permissions on this blog. I think this is cured now. I did some tests and it seemed to be working. Hopefully I haven't lost loads of potential followers because of it!

Now I'm worrying about whether this post is really boring! It's a responsibility now to be entertaining...oh the pressure.

Wednesday, 7 April 2010

I AM NOT A STALKER...No, really!

I'm sitting here having just caught up with everyones blogs and feeling very over full!  Not good.  I've actually been having a serious case of the nibbles...I've just eaten several handfuls of pistachio nuts whilst I've been reading, and I'm not going into any further detail as my hubby has been threatening to read my blog and as he's the curious sort I'm sure he will. I don't need him shaking his head at my list of picking today thanks very much! - This huge glass of SF squash is so not helping.

I've had a weird Easter. Saturday as you can see from the previous post was great...I was over the moon to get under the psychological barrier of 14 stone and Sunday I didn't weigh. I'd been sensible and bought only a small amount of chocolate for the boys for Easter which never even saw the light of day so it was not flaunted under my nose.

Then I caught up on some blogs Sunday evening and had a lovely surprise to find I finally had my very own follower! - Thanks Roo...and also my very first comment from BandedGirl whose blog I've been following for a while.  It was a really good feeling as I've recently started to feel more confident in myself and am feeling ready to have some readers of my own. 

The thing I've noticed about reading blogs, especially the ones that I've gone back to the beginning and read all the way through is that I really feel that I've gotten to know the person (and like them obviously or I wouldn't have bothered to read their whole blog!) and when I put comments onto peoples blogs who I feel as though I have a real liking for...I feel like a bit of a stalker...because they don't know me from a bar of soap!  The good thing about having my own blog though is that those people can now start to get to know me a bit if they want to.

Anyway getting back to the Easter weekend...Monday was the day from Hhhheeeeelllll. I feel like I've been stuck in the house forever and I was getting quite down...I wasn't even able to resort to my usual cures of eating chocolate, drinking a bottle of wine or any other unhealthy mood lifter and I've just been feeling ssooooo lazy that I couldn't even be bothered to do anything energetic!

My in-laws arrived in the afternoon with my salvation...a large Cadbury's egg...1 for me and 1 for my hubby.  I ate most of mine whilst dinner was cooking and then couldn't manage anything else to eat. Ooops! I didn't even feel guilty...it was medicinal.  Needless to say some of that lovely weight loss has now gone back on. I can live with that for now. I needed that chocolate to treat my mental health issues.

Tuesday I really was thrilled to get back to work...hubby had to take the kids to work with him (he's self employed) and I stayed at work until 5pm (I usually finish at 2.30!) Today I worked from home and as I said the nibbles got me bad...I'm going to take the kids out tomorrow the weather's looking promising at least (it's done nothing but rain and be overcaste for the entire Easter school break up to now).

My plan is not to stress out until life gets back to normal. Next week the kids are back at school, I'm back to my usual working hours, I can get back to walking the kids to school which is at least forty minutes walking a day which will make me feel more energetic, more cheerful and help with the weight loss. Then I can start to really evaluate if this fill has got some mileage in it and whether I can lose some weight with it as I don't think Easter school holidays is a fair test...who can withstand the sheer boredom...never mind the ready availability of the evil 'brown stuff'? it doesn't mean my fill is no good. I have had a few nearly stucks and a couple of really stucks since I had it, so it's doing something. I've got to give it a fair trial I suppose before rushing in for another one.

The thing that makes me tempted to rush things and be impatient is the looming closeness of the summer and my desire to lose a significant amount before the sleeveless top season. I'm putting that out of my head now. This is for the long haul.

Saturday, 3 April 2010

2.8lbs Down since 1st Fill on Monday

yeah! couldn't believe it after such a slow old treck in the last month or so...two days after my fill I'd lost 1.2lbs and then three days later I've lost another 1.6lbs!!! I can't believe it...I know it's not that much, but I can usually starve myself after a few weeks of dieting and only lose a pound and a half in a week, so two months in to lose 2.8lbs in less than a week makes me feel good!  Especially since I've been off work with the kids (always a tough time as I'm in the house and usually thinking of food), and I haven't been hungry or felt deprived (mostly).  I felt a bit deprived last night because my OH had gone out for a drink with a friend and I was stuck in the house on a diet and with no alcohol!  I've given it up to help me stay focused on my weight loss. I could really feel a binge coming on so I drank 3 pint glasses of sugar free cordial to keep my hands and mouth occupied.

The really good bit about this weight loss is it takes me down below the 14st mark which I've really been dying to get below for weeks.  So this morning, in my PJ's I was 13st 13.8lb.  Bless you, you little .2 of a pound! You make all the difference!

Thursday, 1 April 2010

Funny story

I forgot to mention a very funny lady I met at the last support group meeting I went to.  A lot of the people attending tend to sit quietly and not comment, which I find a bit hard work for the poor man presenting not to have any feedback, so I usually try to answer questions or ask them. 

Anyway this month the only other person also joining in was a young blonde Liverpudlian lady who came in a little late with her mum and I must say she looked like the after picture with her slim 10 stone figure despite not yet having had a fill.

We got chatting after the meeting as it transpired that we were both booked in for our first fills within half an hour of each other the next morning.  She had struggled with her weight for years and had weighed at her heaviest about 4 stone more than she currently did, but at the time of her consultation she confided in me that she was actually below the acceptible weight criteria by a few pounds, but due to her weight history and inability to maintain weight loss in the past had decided to take matters into her own hands and added some extra weight to her bra cups!!!

I know it's very naughty but I really did have to laugh!

Do you have any funny story's about the lengths people will go to?  I'm sure you do.

Diet clubs

I am a long-time attender of Slimming World which I do really rate as being somewhat ahead of it's time in addressing the phsychological issues around overeating more than some clubs, but I find that as excess portion size is one of my issues (hopefully counteracted by my brand new band) the green days I loved full of rice and pasta dishes were just too high cal in the portion sizes I like...also I think you tend to get a bit stale with a particular set of rules after the two or three years I've been going.  I haven't been now for around six months and have been considering whether a slimming group would benefit me in terms of support and motivation and weekly weigh ins whilst I'm working with the band.  The one which I'm considering starting is the Rosemary Conley class, partly because there is portion control, stricter low fat meals and mainly because it incorporates a 45 minute exercise class which I need excessively.  At £5.50 per session it's not much more expensive than a regular exercise class at a gym and I thought it may be worth a try especially if I can get a friend to come with me for motivation.  I haven't decided yet...hhmmmmm, has anyone else tried Rosemary Conley? How did you find it?

Cheating on Liquids!

Hi All,

yesterday was my last day of my post-fill liquid diet and I cheated! Not that I don't usually cheat...I didn't get this extra weight through self discipline you know!  I had bought some reduced fat Hommous, one of my faves, but as I opened the fridge I saw that my OH had opened it and it was calling to me...but what to have it with? Should have just grabbed a spoon as it happens but I though 'I know I'll toast half a slice of that lovely wholemeal bread...that'll be nice. No it wasn't...I was eating it walking around as you do naughty foods grabbed on the run and within a swallow or two I felt like I was choking in my chest...yes, I was well and truley stuck.  I have been stuck only a couple of times with dry chicken breast and hard boiled egg (worst so far) and I won't go there again, but this was awful...it was going nowhere.  I quickly took a sip of my vitamin drink which I'd just prepared but the airlock feeling meant I couldn't really swallow it all and ended up over the sink.  My first experience of the dreaded PB. Although I really didn't have much on board, but it definately resembled the experiences I've heard described by more experienced bandsters.  fortunately i had some soup in the microwave for my tea which I'd been waiting on while I snuck the half slice of toast and I made myself a hot cup of tea as I thought the heat would sooth all the stuck bits down as I still felt quite uncomfortable.  The soup and tea really did help though which is good. 

I'm onto mushies today and am so far sticking to the brief quite well which I never did post surgery.  I just made sure my portions were tiny and my mouthfuls also tiny.

Today I've started off on porridge for b/f, scrambled egg and baked beans for lunch and I've got some Weight Watchers cottage pie for my dinner, I'll probably make up some veg and have half tonight and half for lunch tomorrow. 

I succumbed to the dreaded scales again this morning even though I only weighed myself yesterday and I knew i couldn't really have lost anynmore today.  But the reward of seeing the good weightloss yesterday has encouraged my bad scale behaviour!