I haven't really posted on my band progress in a little while now...as we all know when that happens it's usually because...nothin's happening. Well this time is no exception.
Ever since I came back from my holiday, I've mentally been like I'm still on holiday and I'm eating just anything and everything I fancy with no real ability to say no! The only positive in all this is that I haven't been putting on weight! The reduced portions and extra filling qualities of fatier food has meant that I have been wavering within the same two pound region now for weeks and weeks. I just have not been focused on weight loss at all. It's as though I've forgotten all about my little bandy friend. Funnily enough though, because I've been fairly active and I've managed to maintain I've actually felt quite positive about it. I'm following my normal ebb and flow routine mentallity of dedicated dieting followed by complete lack of regard for good food choices and this time I'm not piling it all back on. That my friends is to me a huge NSV!
I've been pondering getting a small fill now for over a month, but I know in reality I do have enough restriction that if I actually made better food choices I'd lose weight, so I've held off having a fill.
Today I phoned and booked a fill...Sunday 25th July. The real reason I've booked this is because I know it's the only way to get me physically and mentally back in touch with the fact that I have undergone surgery and spent 8,000 hard earned Pounds (of the cash variety) to lose this weight and my non-cooperation with the process is not going to do it for me in a reasonable time-scale. I know I will comply with the three days liquids, three days mush following the fill and then I will in all likelihood try very hard to get down below 13 stone (182lb). This will mean I'll be very comfortably in all my UK size 16 clothes, many of which are currently just that little bit too snug. I'm currently wavering between 189-191lbs.
Sometimes I feel like I might not be too worried about doing this nice and slow, and waiting till I feel the real need to get my weight moving down again, but part of me is a little scared that we never know how long we will be able to keep these bands for and I'm worried that I may be unlucky and have mine fail before I've achieved my weight-loss goals. That's really why I've decided to go in for a small fill and kick start my motivation that way. I figure I've got a years inclusive aftercare, so I can always get some removed if necessary. The more contact I have with my provider I find the more focused and motivated I am, it really engages me with the process...I think the fact that I missed my last support group meeting was a contributing factor to my not getting back on track. Also, the house move possibility and all the work that's created has been a real distraction...whilst it's kept me active it's also kept me out of the gym and away from blogging.
Sorry if this 'navel gazing' is all a bit dull to read...but I know you all appreciate that this kind of self examination is a necessary part of unpicking our behaviour sometimes. Thanks for listening. xx