Weight Ticker

Wednesday, 17 March 2010

Feeling low and sliding off the wagon

Hi all,

I've been really struggling for the last few weeks and it's getting worse!  Initially I was working very hard to keep my calories below 1000 per day and losing only 1lbish per week for two weeks!!! Very frustrating, so I tried not to think about it too much and decided to up my exercise and also to maybe just have 1200 cals a day to stave off the hunger pains which were getting unbearable and also to help my poor flagging metabolism.  I started walking the kids to school and back each day which amounts to over 2 miles walking each day, the road to school is very steep and on the way home is an absolute killer. My tennis lessons have resumed once a week and we took an hour and a half family walk in very hilly terrain on the first Sunday...then I did a drastic calorie cut for a couple of days and managed to knock off over a pound...I should have stayed off the scales though as on the third day the pound had returned for no apparent reason. 

Since then I've had the additional challenge of both my children taking turns to take two days off school ill so I had two days at home last week and two this week and my eldest son had a birthday party over the weekend which entailed me buying and preparing multitudinous amounts of junk food.  I'm only human and very hungry and deprived and I've really struggled.  My hormones are also playing havoc and I've suffered a lot of head hunger and very low moods for the past week and this has resulted in some very illogical food related behaviour.  I therefore haven't been near the scales for about a week now as I don't dare!

I don't want to know the worst.  I seemed to just think of food the entire time I was at home regardless of whether or not I was hungery (I wasn't hungry). I'm back at work today with a very healthy and sensible start to the day and have bought a small amount of very sensible food with me to eat at work, lets hope I can get myself back on the straight and narrow...This wouldn't have even happened if I was getting a decent reward for all my deprivation of the past.  If the scales had kept going slowly downwards I would have been fine, I would have kept up my motivation because I was being rewarded for it. I'm only human and I can't seem to deprive myself to that degree for almost no tangible reward. I'm actually secretly convinced that I have an underactive thyroid, both my sisters are under treatment for the condition, but on the two occassions I've been tested it's come back normal, but both times I was not dieting I was actually overeating and actively putting on weight, which I wondered if this would not show the problem up as I initially do lose weight for the first few weeks of a diet and then I stop and lose almost nothing even when I'm eating well below what I should be.  I would request another test now, but I'd feel so stupid after the previous results. I'd also feel stupid that I'd had a gastric band and was still unable to lose weight!!!

I have my first fill booked for 29th March which is only another week and a half, but I really wanted to lose as much weight as possible and work really hard the whole time...which I have done (apart from this past week) and have a lot to show for it.  I really think 8-9 weeks post op is too long to wait for the first fill as I've been so very hungry on the low cal diet as my surgical swelling based restriction is absolutely gone! I've gone back to eating largeish portions, I've gone back to bolting my food! I'm gonna have to re-learn all the good habits I was getting into post surgery.  I do occassionally come a cropper with things getting stuck, but so far only untoasted bread, chicken breast and hard boiled egg.

Please, please, please let me be one of the lucky ones who experience some good restriction after the first fill and that I don't feel hungry between meals...let's call this The Prayer of the Banded.  

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