She's joined the Gym!!!! Wowee, watch those 'bingo wings' melt away...

Hi All,

Before I start on the above news, I must just reassure all you Aussie girls, that despite becoming a true-blue British person, I am still every bit the Aussie I always was.  Do you think I could give that up for anything???

I am still now and always will be an Aussie with an Aussie passport...I'm just British too. Good now that's settled I can tell you my real news...you may have guessed by the cluey title...I'VE JOINED THE GYM!

I've finally found a good use for working for the NHS...I get a massive discount of gym memberships! Who Knew? Well I guess I did know, I just couldn't imagine me every doing regular exercise!

My husband has even joined with me as they've agreed to give him the same discount as me and we are now official gym-bunnies.

I've really been enjoying the good feeling of exercising and since we stopped getting Sky TV, the evenings are getting so boring, staying home doing nothing is pretty terminal! Specially now eating and drinking copious amounts of red wine are off the agenda.

I've been going for a long walk with a friend one night a week, tennis, and tag rugby on another couple of nights and I've even been using the eliptical trainer a bit, but it's so boring...I'm really looking forward to using the weights machines to tone up my upper arms and doing lots of fun classes.

I've got my induction tonight to get me started, so that should be good fun.  I might even try a Zumba class and see what all the fuss is about! Look out body, you are gonna feeel the burn...

I should have stayed in bed...

...and pulled the covers over my head today...

~ My husband took my car keys to work by mistake.
~ The ticket machine at the train station was broken
~ The train was 15 mins late
~ The weather was cold and wet
~ The train conductor forgot me and didn't sell me a ticket
~ I had to queue up and buy my ticket on the platform
~ The man charged me Peak price instead of off-peak and told me I'd have to queue for a form to reclaim the overcharge!!! I was already late for work!
~ I had no lunch & no money, so had to use cash machine
~ I realised I'd forgotten my work pass!!! AAAaaarrrggghh!!

Can you then guess what this all became an excuse for????  Can you??? If you can't you've obviously never had a weight problem!!!

Yes, I thought...I'll buy my lunch from the sandwich lady at work...I deserve it...a chocolate bar and a huge coronation chicken sub later...I still wasn't done...I actually opened a box of truffle style chocs that I have in my drawer that have no real owners because I still wanted more chocolate....hhhmmm. Okay so far I've only eaten 3 of them and I think I'm done...but WTH was that all about and how did I easily  manage to put it all away???

I've just committed myself to wait till I return from my hols in mid June before I get my next fill too...Woops, just ate chocolate number 4!

Why am I still feeling hormonal after at least 3 weeks...my system is up the swany and it always has been with regards to hormones. I despair of them every being under control.

Ah well...I'll have to harness the power of positive thought and get good things happening again...thanks for listening to my little pity party...it's all very minor I know and now I'm ready to move on.

I'm planning on calling into the gym this week for a little tour as I would like to get started on some weight training to tighten up my 'bingo-wings' etc and maybe take the odd class. I get a pretty good discount as an NHS employee...I notice they even run a Zumba class, which I'd never even heard of till reading it in Amy W's blog.

My husband might be miffed though as he already complains that I'm out all the time, I have been going for a long walk with a friend on a Monday night, tennis on Wednesday night and ladies tag rugby on a Thursday night.  I'll tell him I'm doing it all for him, so that I can look good and so that I'll be more into sex...do you think that'll swing it for me?  You know if he really thought it'd up my sex drive, he'd be totally behind it, so I think I'll go with that. he he he

He loves skiing, so when he was complaining about it last night, I said it was so I could get fit and slim enough for our skiing trip next Winter, so I'd be fit enough to learn to do it properly...(I've only been once before about 3 years ago and found it really really difficult). I never normally use manipulation, but I need to make him see how my exercising more is worth the sacrafice of time on his part as he will benefit in the long run.

By the way, I saw an article about Sharon Osbourne and how much weight she's gained lately...it made me a bit scared as I've been worrying about what would happen When not If the band eventually deteriorates.  Will they just pop me a new one in? Or will they make me wait till I put a load of weight back on?

I'm not sure what poor ole' Sharon's story is, but I heard she'd had her band removed, don't know why. Maybe there was a problem. But the thought of getting to her stage, looking so great and then regaining the weight is just a bit terrifying!  Don't know if anyone knows anything about it they care to share, but it's very interesting for fellow bandsters I suppose.

It's taken my mind off scoffing anyway thank goodness and got me thinking about nice healthy exercise...

Hope you are all having a fab week and an even fabber weekend...ours is set to be cold and wet...it's punishment for our lovely sunny hot weekend that we just had.

OOoooh, I'm booking myself a lovely pamper morning for Saturday week prior to my holiday...a spray tan, pedicure, manicure and eyebrow shape...No doubt I'll look like a Hollywood starlet afterwards....NOT!

God Save the Queen & other trivial issues

Well, congratulate me all...I am now an official subject of Her Majesty.  Yesterday I was presented with my certificate of Naturalisation at the Town Hall by the Mayor. 

It only cost me a measley £720 to apply!!!

I'm an Aussie, married to a Brit and have been married since 1997 and eligible to apply since 2000...but of course who gets round to these things??? It would have been bloody free if I had!

Now days they've brought in a 'Life in the UK' test which everyone must pass. It's a huge thick book you've got to learn and then sit a test on, which of course costs money (can't remember how much) and then you've got to fill in a big form similar to a first passport application and go to a ceremony to collect your certificate.  I can now use this certificate to apply for a British passport (for another £72).  I thought I'd better pull my finger out and get it sorted as they are now talking about bringing in a probationary period for citizenship once granted (I think it's about 3 years), I'm not worried that I'm at risk of getting into trouble with the law, but I don't want to be made to wait another 3 years for a passport as it'll make things heaps easier going on hols with the family etc.

Anyway, job done, I can tick it off the list of jobs that you never get round to that hang over your head for years...like my Aussie back taxes...7 years late...just got the assessment through and I've gotta pay a small fortune in Capital Gains Tax from selling our rental property in Aus last year.

On top of all this, my husband's found a house he wants us to move to...which means finishing off all the jobs at our house, putting it on the market and agreeing a price...of course he thinks it's worth less than the seller does! Good luck with that! It's much smaller than our current house and needs tonnes of updating...but it's rural and private with some land and within spitting distance of the right location so my hubby is desperate to get it as we can't really afford anything bigger and better that has the other credentials and they don't often come on the market in the area and price range.

My son is all set to start at a private secondary school in September which is going to cost a small fortune...so we are going to have to get creative to accomplish all these expensive things in the next few months!! Anyway, we shall see. I'm not going to stress over it. What will be will be as they say.

In other news...my weight has been yo-yoing the self same two pounds for two weeks now!!! I'm so not impressed.  I've been exercising loads more the last couple of weeks, but I've also been quite hormonal so I'm hoping to see that it was a combo of fluid retention and extra muscle weight doing this to me...I took my measurements this morning for the first time since the very start and was glad to see a nice drop in the numbers...I knew I had lost inches, but it was still nice to see expecially as Mr Scale is being particularly evil just now!

Feeling uplifted...and...getting rid of last weekends excesses!

Dear Readers,

You may remember last weekend I had a girls night out which obviously entailed the drinking of wine...followed by the need for sugar on Sunday for strictly remedial purposes...this resulted in a 2.2lb overall weight gain for the weekend!

I've spent the entire week getting back where I started from...considering I had big plans to get down to 13 stone by my hols which gave me exactly four weeks to lose 8.8lbs I am not happy to have spent one week of them getting back to needing to lose 8.8lbs...oh well, no use crying over spilt milk, so I just need to get on with things and make the best of it.

When I got up this morning I weighed myself and found again no change (3 days straight)...I'd failed to get the weight off in a single week...I thought.

I have however been much more active this week...which is great as I'd been feeling down now for a few weeks and very sluggish, not doing any of the exercise that I had been doing, which was making things even worse.

This week, I went for a brisk walk with a friend for about 45 mins or so on Monday, Wednesday I went to my tennis lesson and played for an hour and a half, Thursday I walked 2 miles, Friday I walked 3 miles, so I thought I deserved to lose some as I'd been also being careful about what I ate.  Anyway, I decided not to be detered. I was putting some of the problems down to TOTM anyway, so with my new found enthusiasm I jumped out of bed threw on a tracksuit and went into the garage with iPod primed and did 30 mins on the cross trainer.  The machine that I've had for at least a year and used a sum total of FOUR times!

So I feel pretty good about that...the even bigger reward was that I got on the scales...yes AGAIN...before I got in the shower to find i'd lost a whole extra pound! WTH??? Hey, I'm not complaining I earned that sucker.

I didn't find it too hard doing the 30 mins, but when I got off the machine I could really feel it in my thighs and my face was pretty red...that's fab because I really need to slim my thighs down, a lot of my trousers are very loose on the waist, but fit in the thighs, I also have a lot of fat around the sides and back of my knees, which means I really couldn't picture myself EVER wearing a skirt.  I'm really going to try and keep doing this a few times a week, cause I think I'll really see a difference in my muscle tone on my legs.

I'm taking my son to buy some new clothes this afternoon as he's had a growth spurt lately and is running out of clothes that fit...he's just turned 11 and is a 28" waist, he's going to be a big lad I think, he's already as tall as his grandma, broad shouldered and strong.  Anyway, I digress...my point was that whilst I'm out I'm secretly planning on popping into Next and trying on ALL their size 16UK work trousers, my 18UK's are falling off just about. I may buy a pair even if I'm not quite in them yet as the only size 16 pair I have are well worn from all the previous yo-yo diets I've been on and look crappy...something good to aim for.  I really can't wait till I can wear nice things for work and even wear heels without becoming a cripple by 11am.  Wish me luck xx

First alcoholic drink in 4 months...and ancient drama's still causing probs!

Hi All,

As I mentioned in my last post I had a girls night out on Saturday and it would be my first alcoholic evening in 4 months! Up till now I've been abstaining. Obviously I had to for a while for my surgery anyway, but as I love a glass of wine or three I decided it would be for the best to kick drinking to the curb for a while so's I could really focus on my health and cut out one of my largest sources of empty calories. wimper...

Anyways it hasn't been as hard as I'd thought, probably a state of mind thing...you don't have surgery unless you're committed to the process now do you?

I had decided to spread out two large glasses over the course of the night, but of course ended up having four (a whole bottle in other words). I drank it over five hours, but I still ended up a little hung over on Sunday and was forced to eat sugary things to keep me alive...you know how it is.

The evening was good, but could have been better... Last year we had a bit of an implosion in our friendship group caused by the drunken behaviour of one of our number, her behaviour had been questionable for some time and there had been a number of incidents of her flirting outragiously with other peoples husbands over the years (I've never actually witnessed it myself, but I know it had caused bad feeling several times) and then one morning after one of our nights out she phoned me to tell me that her husband had found out she'd been having 'text sex' with the husband of a friend (not someone from our social group) and her husband had phoned up a couple of our mutual friends to tell them all about it and get them on his side against her. Of course this caused enormous ructions and people were very resentful of her and sorry for her hubby.

They seemed to patch things up in record time though and everyone else was expected to forget all about it and they both keep being invited out because no-one wants to upset her hubby...she hates it and feels like a cat on hot bricks the whole time, but refuses to stay home even when it's only the girls going, so everyone is slightly uncomfortable around her. (She's very resentful that people didn't stick by her over it and feels let down by us all!)

Over time I had come to realise she wasn't an entirely balanced individual, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt because I believe she is kind and caring and good hearted...but since all this has happened she just acts more and more strange and I always feel on eggshells whenever I see her as she is understandably paranoid of every look or comment (she was somewhat paranoid to begin with so you can only imagine it now she has something to be paranoid about!) This all happened a full year ago and it still hasn't blown over...there is a lot more I could say about her behaviour, but without wishing to write a book on the subject I'm trying to be brief.

I believe she is still very unhappy in her marriage, but rather than do anything about it she's doing her penance for her misdeed by playing happy families...I was around there on Friday night to pick up my son (our sons are very close friends) and she was so rude and hideous to her husband she obviously has no respect for him. When I asked her why she was saying those things to him, she said 'because he's a liar'! - nice.

Anyway...I think we all see another drama somewhere around the bend, but when I don't know. We'll all just keep holding our breath till it comes.

On a lighter note...I was so dehydrated on Sunday morning I'd actually lost 2lbs despite having drank jug-fulls of water whilst I was out! Monday morning though I'd put on...4lbs! That was an expensive night out in terms of weight loss. I've taken off 0.8 of it, but I can see it'll take me all week just to lose the bottle of wine and hangover food of the weekend. I don't think I was even that bad on Sunday! I can't afford to do that every week can I???

Funny, I arrived in work this morning to see a plastic wine glass on my desk marked with 175ml level and daily alcohol allowances for men and women - a freebie from the alcohol team...I work for the National Health Service...there's a message there somewhere.

Hope you're all having a good week. xx

Results of the two week challenge

Hi folks,

In total I've lost 5 of the 7lbs I was hoping to lose over the two week period. Not bad, but I lost 2lb of it on the first day!

I did have a small glitch on Thursday which did affect things. I had a work conference and I wasn't able to choose my food at lunch time. The room was so crowded with people and in the break I had to man a stand and so couldn't get to any of the fruit. So by lunch time I was ravenous...in fact during the session before lunch my stomach sounded like an earthquake was going on and I expected people to start evacuating the room and heading for safe haven! I was that hungry!

Of course when we broke for lunch the queue for the food was up the hallway and almost out the doors and due to my trip to the loo before lunch I was at the back of it and by the time I got near the food all the good choices of salmon skewers and such things were gone and all that was left were a few slices of quiche and some salad.

The quiche was really nice, but it tasted strongly of butter...hhhmmm...that can't be a good thing. Then to make myself feel better I was forced at gunpoint...no really...to eat this gorgeous slice of chocolate brownie with a lovely chocolatey icing on top...god it was good.

I weighed myself the next day and I'd put on 0.8lb...Gggrrrr.

The next day I had a pretty good food day...was planning on doing the low cal day, but then for tea was forced...yes forced to cook tortellini as it was the used by date...what else could I do? It wasn't that bad, but not as slimming as it could have been, so dropped 0.2lbs this morning, but not the whole chocolate brownie and quiche have come off yet. Trying not to dwell on it.

Gonna try and do 3 or 4 low cal days next week as a big push for my week in Gozo in early June. Would love to be down to 13st or even a smidge below for that...that's my next mini target. That will get me into most UK16 size clothes. I even ordered myself a new swimming costume to celebrate my new lease on life. My old costume was bought to cover me up and looks like I'm borrowing my old granny's costume! I'm only 40, not 80 so I've decided I deserve something a little younger looking. I love my band...

Day 4 of the plan...going good!

I'm really over the moon today. Last week as you know I was killing myself on super low calories and it was affecting my mood and also my energy. I had a good loss early on but then stopped losing weight.

From Friday I started to increase my calories as I could see I wasn't getting the benefits from the super low range and I didn't count calories over the long weekend. I even had a couple of treats here and there. Guess what...I lost another 1.2lbs when I increased my cals. I was actually scared to get on the scales, so you can imagine my reaction when I saw a loss!!!

So today I'm having an 850 calorie day using the packs I bought from Weight to Go. I had a shake for breakfast, a pouch of soup for lunch and another shake when I got home from the school run (just had that now and I feel stuffed...my fill must be doing it's job). I've got a pouch of 'Succulent braised beef in traditional english porter' for dinner (the pouch idea sounds bad, but it looks quite nice...I'll reserve judgement), I'll boil some veg to have with it, then I'm suposed the have another shake in the evening...the shakes are 125 cals which is good and pretty filling. I make them with some frozen fruit to give them some flavour and body and you don't need to use very much fruit which is good calorie wise.

I'm totally raving on about calories at the moment aren't I??? Sorry...I'm just in the process of experimenting really and finding out what works for me and what doesn't...until my fill is spot on and my head is trained up not to eat for pleasure I'm going to have to keep a close eye on myself...but I'll get there.

I'm really excited about it today though as i feel that I've found a process that will work after spending so long starving myself, throwing a wobbler when the weightloss stops and then binging the 10lb I've managed to starve off straight back on again...oh yeah...plus another 10!

I'll let you know when I weigh in on Saturday how the rest of the week's gone and how much I manage to lose.

I've got a girls night out on Saturday. I haven't been out for ages and I've booked a hair appointment for the afternoon so I can try and look my best next to my skinny glamorous friends (skinny cows:0)). I'll also be having my first alcoholic drink since 10th January...nearly 4 months dry!!! Not that I'm counting - much! I'll have to go carefully or they'll be scraping me up off the floor. I'm going to stick to two wines - large ones - spread over about four hours and suplimented with gallons of water.

Can't wait...

New motivation

Hi All,

I've delayed writing this post since last weekend as I'd already written three on the same day!! Don't want to overload you folks...if you're like me you follow a million or so banded blogs and it's hard to keep up to date with them all without people posting four times in one day!

Well...The skinny is...(get it? Skinny?..I know it's bad) I decided to use my last fill as a motivation point and try and lose 7lbs in two weeks by eating around 850 cals a day (in my world that usually means nearer 900-950).

The way I planned to do this was to use my 3 days liquid 3 days mush for the first 6 days and then use a weeks worth of 'Weight to Go' products which are meal replacements (shakes, soups and meals) sold by my provider that add up to 850 cals per day. what I've discovered so far is the usual...my body is very quick to adapt to very low cals and after 3 days my weightloss slowed down to nothing!

First day was mega as I lost 2lbs straight up (one of those pounds I'd been toying with for about 3 weeks..on again off again...you get the picture so it was only hanging on by a thread. The other was an extra. Then the following two days I lost 0.6lb a piece. This made sense accoring to my fat secret app which calculated that I was consuming around 1400 fewer calories per day than I was eating (if 3500 cals equals 1lb). Then on day four, five, and 6 NADA, NOTHING...that was so hard to carry on with but I did, finally on day seven I lost 0.4lb...this does not compute with the logic of 3500 calories defecit = 1lb weight loss.

A lot of people have discussed this recently and my theory for what it's worth is that our bodies slow down our metabolism when we consistently consume too few calories. I felt quite lethargic and woolly headed, so I'm not in much doubt about which functions my body was slowing down on to conserve energy.

The result of this little experiment was that I decided that the best way forward for me was to up my calories to a more sustainable (but still weightloss) level and just use the prepackaged, calorie counted meals I'd bought to trick my body...I'll throw in an extra low cal day twice a week to up my weight loss but not lower my metabolism and see how this goes.

Previously when I'd been eating more calories my body was very responsive to my good days and I'd see it on the scales...but I just don't get the reward for my efforts when I consistently eat too low calories.

Our bodies are more complex than the simple calories in-calories out model once we get into what...to our bodies...is an emergency in terms of calorie defecit. I suppose it had to have ways of surviving famines in cave man days. It's scientifically accepted fact that our metabolism does slow down on very low calorie intakes (this is not permanent though and it returns to normal once our calorie intake returns to a healthy level), the exact level of calorie intake which will cause this to happen varies by person.

Also, it is scientifcally proven that our bodies will conserve fat stores and burn muscle first when calorie levels are too low. Muscle as we all know is less efficient than fat and burns more calories at rest, so it is more efficient in times of famine to burn muscle and conserve fat. In times of true famine people with less efficient bodies would be more prone to die before those with more efficient ones, so it makes sense that over millions of years we have evolved to be efficient when food is scarce. (Scientific lecture over...I am not...as you may have guessed a scientist, I am merely paraphrasing from the reading that I've done).

So I'm happy in that I've dropped 3.6lbs this week, but I did suffer for that loss and I don't think I had to suffer like I did...I think I could have lost this amount on a more sensible number of calories...especially if I'd had any energy and done any exercise as I would normally have done. The other effects of drastically reduced calories for me is that when I increase them I feel I've been deprived and i want to eat bad things like chocolate and carbs!! Also, I've felt very low and depressed even all week...that wasn't pleasant for me or my family.

It'll be interesting to see how much I lose this week with the new plan...I'll have to try and stick to it now that I've put it out there...hard to do on the long weekend...so much temptation.

I hope you all have a good time and have something nice planned for the May Day weekend.

Fat Secret

I've started using an app for my iPhone that I've had on there for ages and not even really looked at. It came up in the support group that one of the girls had an app that was good for checking out calories of restaurant dishes etc. So I pulled out my phone and started looking at this free app that I'd downloaded called..you guessed it...Fat Secret...sounds lovely doesn't it?

I've had a good look and although it's mostly American...yes okay...fine for most of you guys...it's very good (so far anyway, I've only been using it for three days). Not all the foods I eat are on the database, but you can enter your food details onto the database via the website and that product is then on there for everyone to use.

You can do loads of useful stuff on it like keep your food diary (you can do a barcode scan with your phone to automatically enter food into your food diary!!!), an exercise diary, log your weight which goes on a line graph, a diet calander (showing the daily calories eaten, plus a breakdown of fat, carbs etc. number of calories burnt, including sleeping, resting and exercise, and the difference between the two), sections on popular brands, restaurants & chains, supermarket brands, etc.

You can go onto the website even without the app and do it on-line too. You register and you can join a group, I've joined one for people with gastric bands, but you don't have to join one. Online you can add new foods to the database, you can keep a journal which can be private or public, post threads within a group if you have joined and join challenges. I'll see how it goes, but so far so good.

The best thing about it is it's free, so if you lose interest it doesn't matter.

Support Group

Hi All,

Went to the monthly Support Group meeting yesterday...they are talking about changing it to an online forum and education session that you can log into and post threads that will be answered by Stuart the nutricianist who runs the support group and Dr Ashton to try to reach more patients as the groups are currently quite small. I enjoy going and chatting about issues with the other patients and the education sessions are useful. I get the impression though that Stuart prefers to keep a tight reign on things and not let us chat too much...he seems frustrated when he can't get a word in edgewise...get used to it...it's a group of mostly women...we like to talk! and we like to share!

I also get the impression when I talked to Stuart in the break about my plans for the next couple of weeks to get back on track, he really didn't want to have to listen to it. Surely that's his job...or is it just me he finds tiresome...I don't know but it doesn't give you a warm and fuzzy feeling! Saying that he is very nice and very good at his job so I've decided to give him break...he might have been having a bad day.

There is a lady who goes who is a GP by profession, she's very nice and has been having a hard time appying herself to the diet side and also has found that she has no restriction despite having a whopping 10mls put in her band!! This week she told me that she'd found out she has a leak in her band and has to have the port and tubing replaced. Hence the lack of restriction! She seems quite down about it as she has struggled so long and now has to not only have more surgery, but pay for it and she also has to pay for a locum to cover her surgery whilst she's off as she has no holiday pay left. The surgeon and anaesthetist have both said they'll give their time for free so the cost I think is for the hospital...she'll get confirmation soon as to how much it will cost her, so fingers crossed it'll be low or even gratis! If the band proves to be fauly I'm sure she'll have some legal recourse.

We were discussing it after and I mentioned the newly introduced guarantee. A girl who had her surgery the same day as me said that she had signed the new contract with the guarantee!!! How frustrating to think that I should have been told this was coming in and wasn't. I only signed my contract a week or two before the surgery! I can assure you that if I do need the revision surgery I shall be making a fuss about it. hummmph!

2nd Fill...and a moving port!!!

I went for my second fill on Saturday...bit of a pain as the support group meeting is on the Sunday so I had to spend two afternoon's there instead of one. Luckily I left half an hour early (after being late for my xray fill I wasn't letting that happen again.) The traffic was so hideous due to a football game in the area that it took the whole half an hour extra to get there and I arrived right on time for my fill...but...you guessed it, due to the traffic they were running 45 minutes late on their appointments! Oh well, better them late than me.

The worrying thing that I found out was that my port is moving around!! What's that about?? When I had my xray fill Dr Ashton found it immediately and was able to get the needle in without any hesitation. This time he felt around...then felt around some more..then lowered the bed head...then had another couple of feels. Then he said with a look of consternation on his face, but not looking at me, as he went over to set up the needle...'your port is moving'. Then he came back with the needle felt around for a while longer and finally put the needle in. The fill was done then without any difficulty and the port wasn't mentioned again. I was hesitant to ask as he didn't seem in a very good mood and he hadn't brought it up. Silly I know, but I needed to chew on it a bit longer myself.

He put a further 1.3mls in my band bringing me up to 6.8mls in total.

When I came out of the appointment and was having a drink to make sure I could get it down okay I saw the nutricianist walk past so I grabbed him and asked him about the financial situation should I need to have port revision surgery as I was concerned that if it were to twist or leak that's what I would need...after only three months I can't help thinking that it should be covered. The annoying thing is that they've recently since I've signed my contract introduced a guarantee for the surgery and an extra year aftercare inclusive in the price! He said I'd need to phone and ask which contract I'm on...I have checked my contract and it is as I suspected that I am on the old agreement whereby they contract out of any liability for complications and associated costs.

Let's just hope that this doesn't become necessary. I'm going to try not to dwell on it.

Drazil's Friday Bring Your Own Crazy Quiz....here goes

Hi All,

I'm taking part in Drazil's BYOC quiz for the first time ever...hope you're all excited, it's a bit late but here goes...

1. Name a career you would NOT want to do and tell why.
The career that I would NOT/could NOT do is Teach children. When I finished high school I just had no clue what I wanted to do for a career and the only thing I had experience of was the school system, so I went into teachers college as they called it then.

Apart from the fact that I just did not have the maturity then to do that kind of job, I most certainly did not have the patience for it. I remember telling my boyfriend at the time that I was applying for teachers college and his reaction was to laugh out loud! He just thought it was utterly hilarious that someone as impatient as me could even think of being a teacher. I was pretty surprised at peoples reactions as I had no idea that people had that impression of me..people who really knew me I mean...As it turns out they were completely right...I so could NOT do that job!!! I admire good teachers and I really don't know how they do it.

As an addition to the above, my parents confessed that when I had my first son they were slightly dubious as to what kind of parent I was going to make...again, I'm so glad! I think over the years I'd made various harsh and intolerant sounding comments about children and their various behaviours which made my parents wonder whether motherhood and I were designed to go together. Fortunately I've been happy to prove them wrong on this one...My mother actually told me a couple of weeks ago that she regularly discussed with her friends what a good mum I am. It's been 11 years since I had my first son so I'm sure she's quite forgotten her worries of all that time ago and isn't telling her friends in a surprised way...I think she's bragging is all. That's a nice thing to hear from your mum, kind of makes up the for the doubts she had in my late teens and twenties...almost. :0)

2. What’s the best present you ever received for your birthday?
I know this is very unspiritual sounding and very materialistic, but my two favourite birthday presents have been my iPod one year and my iPhone for my last birthday, both from my hubby. I'm very attached to these gadgets. When I used to have trouble sleeping, with worries tumbling over in my mind for hours making me feel anxious and keeping me awake. I downloaded all the Ricky Gervais podcasts and audiobooks as they came out and I would play them when I went to bed with the sleep timer on. This successfully distracted me from bad thoughts and I would fall asleep in probably 10 minutes on most nights. Yes! bonus! my iPhone let's me have access to my emails and I can browse the net, read all your blogs and catch up on forum posts while I'm on the train to and from work or on holiday. Just fabulous.

3. This is from Amy W. (I had a request to copy her question and ask it today in BYOC) (Hope that’s okay Amy!)

What do you hide behind?

The last ten years or so I suppose I hide behind inconspicuous clothes to try not to be noticed as I haven't felt good about the way that I look. I also have always hidden behind various self-sabotages as I'm so convinced I'll fail at things that my negative thought process actually makes it happen.

I think it's great that so many of you are super confident regardless, or perhaps because of your size. I've been thinking about it and I think my opinion of how other people will value me is so low that I feel that when I'm very overweight it draws peoples attention to me in a negative way and will make them look down on me/dislike me and my self-confidence just disappears except with people I know well (I don't suppose it gives people much credit for any depth does it!). I know that as I lose weight I will gain in confidence and I think it's a shame that so much of my self-worth is tied up in my weight. One thing I've learned from so many of you is that people will perceive us as worthy if we project that we believe we are worthy and that we love and value ourselves. Big lesson

4. Where were you born?
Port Moresby, Papua New Guinea

5. A little twist on this one..usually we ask – what blog spoke to you the most, stuck with you, had the most effect on you this week? This week I’m adding to that which comment may have affected you greatly? Sometimes a blog can lead to amazing comments and they deserve their own claim to fame here in this question.
Chelles's comment on 'back boobs made me chuckle on Amy W's blog on Tuesday;and a post answering Amy's question 3 above on her Friday blog by Pamela E Williams was really brilliant. She talks about growing up being different from her siblings and not feeling attractive, but she was smart, so she used her intelligence as a sheild and a consolation and an identity.

Big First Fill

I know, I know...what is this? Nothing for 2 weeks and then 4 posts in one day??!!

It's just to say that when I went for my first fill as I probably mentioned at the time, I was running late and Dr Ashton didn't ask for my fill record card and fill it in and for some silly reason I didn't think to ask how much fluid he'd put in...let's face it, I tried to leave the table with the needle hanging out of my port...I obviously wasn't especially sharp that morning! How could anyone forget they had a huge needles stuck in their stomach?

On Monday, having made the decision the day before that I was going to phone for a fill...who should phone me but Claire the Healthier Weight nurse to see how I was finding my first fill. I took the opportunity of 1st booking my next fill (Saturday) and 2nd of asking how much fluid had been put into my port...I thought maybe 2ml, 2.5ml...No, try again...a whopping 5.5ml had been put in for a first fill! I'm not complaining as I could see from the xray at the time that the barium was passing through at the correct speed of around two contractions of the stomach. It looked slowed, but not too slow if you see what I mean.

I'll let you know how I get on with the new fill on Saturday!

Diet Fatigue...

As I'm sure I've already mentioned, my weightloss is super slow. I seem to lose a pound, put a pound on, lose 0.2lb, lose another 0.2lb...get the pound off again, then put on 0.4! It's what's known in the diet trade as the circuitous route! I think a big part of my problems now is what I'm calling 'diet fatigue'!

The initial fear and novelty value has worn off the band and I'm struggling to maintain my motivation to overcome my eating issues and eat few enough calories on a daily basis to lose a significant amount of weight.

I've dieted now, (yo-yo'd I should say) for the past five years solid. After an initial very successful period where I'd managed to lose 37lbs and eventually plateau, I cycled between renewed committment and weightloss; and frantic binges ending up over time within a couple of pounds of where I'd started!

Each time I became remotivated and tried again, my motivation was that bit shorter lived and more easily destroyed if I didn't have the weightloss I felt I'd earned for a week or two in a row.

On a positive note...I've come to the acceptance that I am not going to shock and surprise people with a dramatic weight loss and that's okay. I'll be more than happy if I am just going down...that is something I would never have accepted in my Slimming World days (I was discouraged if I lost less that a pound a week and if I'd been 'good' I expected to lose at least 2lbs or more.

My main reason for deciding I could relax and accept a slow loss was the realisation that this time I am going to keep it off!!!

I've already had the odd bad week and I haven't put anything on to speak of, and I can't eat anythig like the quantity of food I could before, so that's damage limitation.

No...despite my imperfect restriction and despite my food related issues, I'm happy that I've had the band and I'm happy that I'm going in the right direction. There's a lot of trial and error involved and sometimes I fall on my ass and eat the wrong things and miss out on opportunities I should have taken to exercise, (I am bone-idle when it comes to jumping about)...but sometimes I do right and sometimes I lose weight! It's all good...and I have a fill on Saturday so look out!

Cara (The Dash) said that when I reach good restriction I won't be focused on food so much...can't imagine it, but I really would love it to be true. It's hard to resist food when you're thinking about it all the time...

Checking restriction

Hi All,

Since the Easter break I've been trying to get back to the real world and see how my restriction is working for me (as I mentioned in a recent post).

Catching up with last week...I meant well I really did, but my body just wasn't co-operating! This seems a little unnusual and I'm hoping it's just a phase...I'll explain.

I decided I was going to follow the hunger more and not eat for the love of eating, whilst still having at least three decent meals a day of course. This seemed to be going fine at work. I ate sensibly...I had some fruit and yoghurt with me, so if I had been hungry I could have eaten them.

I finish work in time to catch the train home and pick up the kids from school at 3:15 but most days by the time I'd gotten down to school from the train I was really feeling hungry and weak. I'd gone from not hungry...to ravenous!! WTF?? On the walk home I felt completely drained and a bit faint and when I got home each day the cupboard contents emptied themselves into my mouth!!! Needless to say this ruined my appetite for my evening meal and completely scuppered my chances of losing ANY weight!

Then on Saturday I decided I was determined to lose some weight over the weekend and was going to be very good! Felt fed up and deprived on Saturday, but managed to eat only low calorie healthy food when hungry and not eat anything in between meals. I felt very virtuous when I showed a loss on the scales on Sunday morning.

But Oh No...we went out for the day as a family on Sunday and I was sssooooo hungry at lunch time from the day before's deprivations (proper hunger) that I ate an entire chicken wrap and a jam doughnut. My husband was stunned...I could have happily inhaled two of the sugarry monsters but people were watching! I'd had my regular portion of porridge for breakfast and it was only 12:00pm so what was that about???

Immediately following that lunch I decided that I would by phoning for another fill ASAP.

Why is it that a decrease in calories on one day (or one part of the day) is seriously affecting my appetite the next day (or during the afternoon), when I've eaten enough calories. This doesn't usually happen when I'm dieting (I'm far from starving myself). Like I said before I hope it's just a phase. Hhhmmmm

Problems with Blogger in Draft!!!

Sorry all...had all good intentions of posting loads this morning, but when I logged on my blog wasn't displaying properly and is almost impossible to read. So I've tried changing the template, by when I view it the old, faulty template is displaying! Hopefully this is fixed soon...be patient with me.

P.S. Just got caught by my boss on Blogger instead of working...whoops! I'm slightly red-faced. Serves me right I suppose for being naughty in work time. I'll check in tonight and hopefully things are back up and running and I'll update you on my last two weeks.

P.P.S Thanks to all those who've commented...It's really nice to read them.

The Lightbulb moment on Thursday

In my last post I had complained about feeling in the depths of misery on Monday and also have a terrible attack of the nibbles, in fact my snacking problem had been present to some degree for a few days. The explanation at last became clear yesterday...TOTM!

My explanation for not knowing what was going on is that I have the Depo Provera jab quarterly, which is a progesterone only hormone and it means I rarely have any...outward signs...shall we say of where I am in my cycle. I'm going to write it down in my food diary today and keep better track so I can account for difficult weeks food wise rather than beat myself up...I'm getting black & blue!

After reading Cara's post yesterday which had a bit about eating too quickly and stretching the pouch, I tried really hard to go back to tiny bites and eat slowly, and I did eat slower and smaller bites, but I find it so hard to eat small bites of salad...you need a nice big fork-full with a bit of everything on it idealy...I'll have to settle for less than ideal I suppose. The other thing about salad is that you'd think it would be good band food as it's nice and crunchy, but I don't find it fills up my pouch and gives me a satisfied and full feeling. Does anyone else find this or is it just me? Also, after I finished my meal I then ate about three of my childrens chicken goujons...aaarrrggghh why? because I didn't feel satisfied and I then overate and felt terribly full...very very bad band behaviour and it could threaten my band. I actually think I need to consider this behaviour and give it some serious thought...Is it caused by feeling deprived by small portions? Is it caused by feeling deprived by trying to be on a 'diet' (again refer to Cara's post)? I always did overeat before, both snacking and eating too large portions so I guess this behaviour is not going to change overnight.

One thing I am going to do from now on which is important and will probably really help this problem is to focus fully on my meal and stop doing something else at the same time. This is a big no, no and I've been very much guilty of it...I ate my porridge whilst typing this post...right before I decided that I wasn't going to do that anymore, in fact it helped me realise the problem as it was gone before I knew it. I guess it turns my meals into 'unconscious eating'.

I spent ages yesterday evening messing with my blog account to move a private family blog I have to another Google account as I think it was causing problems with my permissions on this blog. I think this is cured now. I did some tests and it seemed to be working. Hopefully I haven't lost loads of potential followers because of it!

Now I'm worrying about whether this post is really boring! It's a responsibility now to be entertaining...oh the pressure.

I AM NOT A STALKER...No, really!

I'm sitting here having just caught up with everyones blogs and feeling very over full!  Not good.  I've actually been having a serious case of the nibbles...I've just eaten several handfuls of pistachio nuts whilst I've been reading, and I'm not going into any further detail as my hubby has been threatening to read my blog and as he's the curious sort I'm sure he will. I don't need him shaking his head at my list of picking today thanks very much! - This huge glass of SF squash is so not helping.

I've had a weird Easter. Saturday as you can see from the previous post was great...I was over the moon to get under the psychological barrier of 14 stone and Sunday I didn't weigh. I'd been sensible and bought only a small amount of chocolate for the boys for Easter which never even saw the light of day so it was not flaunted under my nose.

Then I caught up on some blogs Sunday evening and had a lovely surprise to find I finally had my very own follower! - Thanks Roo...and also my very first comment from BandedGirl whose blog I've been following for a while.  It was a really good feeling as I've recently started to feel more confident in myself and am feeling ready to have some readers of my own. 

The thing I've noticed about reading blogs, especially the ones that I've gone back to the beginning and read all the way through is that I really feel that I've gotten to know the person (and like them obviously or I wouldn't have bothered to read their whole blog!) and when I put comments onto peoples blogs who I feel as though I have a real liking for...I feel like a bit of a stalker...because they don't know me from a bar of soap!  The good thing about having my own blog though is that those people can now start to get to know me a bit if they want to.

Anyway getting back to the Easter weekend...Monday was the day from Hhhheeeeelllll. I feel like I've been stuck in the house forever and I was getting quite down...I wasn't even able to resort to my usual cures of eating chocolate, drinking a bottle of wine or any other unhealthy mood lifter and I've just been feeling ssooooo lazy that I couldn't even be bothered to do anything energetic!

My in-laws arrived in the afternoon with my salvation...a large Cadbury's egg...1 for me and 1 for my hubby.  I ate most of mine whilst dinner was cooking and then couldn't manage anything else to eat. Ooops! I didn't even feel guilty...it was medicinal.  Needless to say some of that lovely weight loss has now gone back on. I can live with that for now. I needed that chocolate to treat my mental health issues.

Tuesday I really was thrilled to get back to work...hubby had to take the kids to work with him (he's self employed) and I stayed at work until 5pm (I usually finish at 2.30!) Today I worked from home and as I said the nibbles got me bad...I'm going to take the kids out tomorrow the weather's looking promising at least (it's done nothing but rain and be overcaste for the entire Easter school break up to now).

My plan is not to stress out until life gets back to normal. Next week the kids are back at school, I'm back to my usual working hours, I can get back to walking the kids to school which is at least forty minutes walking a day which will make me feel more energetic, more cheerful and help with the weight loss. Then I can start to really evaluate if this fill has got some mileage in it and whether I can lose some weight with it as I don't think Easter school holidays is a fair test...who can withstand the sheer boredom...never mind the ready availability of the evil 'brown stuff'? it doesn't mean my fill is no good. I have had a few nearly stucks and a couple of really stucks since I had it, so it's doing something. I've got to give it a fair trial I suppose before rushing in for another one.

The thing that makes me tempted to rush things and be impatient is the looming closeness of the summer and my desire to lose a significant amount before the sleeveless top season. I'm putting that out of my head now. This is for the long haul.

2.8lbs Down since 1st Fill on Monday

yeah! couldn't believe it after such a slow old treck in the last month or so...two days after my fill I'd lost 1.2lbs and then three days later I've lost another 1.6lbs!!! I can't believe it...I know it's not that much, but I can usually starve myself after a few weeks of dieting and only lose a pound and a half in a week, so two months in to lose 2.8lbs in less than a week makes me feel good!  Especially since I've been off work with the kids (always a tough time as I'm in the house and usually thinking of food), and I haven't been hungry or felt deprived (mostly).  I felt a bit deprived last night because my OH had gone out for a drink with a friend and I was stuck in the house on a diet and with no alcohol!  I've given it up to help me stay focused on my weight loss. I could really feel a binge coming on so I drank 3 pint glasses of sugar free cordial to keep my hands and mouth occupied.

The really good bit about this weight loss is it takes me down below the 14st mark which I've really been dying to get below for weeks.  So this morning, in my PJ's I was 13st 13.8lb.  Bless you, you little .2 of a pound! You make all the difference!

Funny story

I forgot to mention a very funny lady I met at the last support group meeting I went to.  A lot of the people attending tend to sit quietly and not comment, which I find a bit hard work for the poor man presenting not to have any feedback, so I usually try to answer questions or ask them. 

Anyway this month the only other person also joining in was a young blonde Liverpudlian lady who came in a little late with her mum and I must say she looked like the after picture with her slim 10 stone figure despite not yet having had a fill.

We got chatting after the meeting as it transpired that we were both booked in for our first fills within half an hour of each other the next morning.  She had struggled with her weight for years and had weighed at her heaviest about 4 stone more than she currently did, but at the time of her consultation she confided in me that she was actually below the acceptible weight criteria by a few pounds, but due to her weight history and inability to maintain weight loss in the past had decided to take matters into her own hands and added some extra weight to her bra cups!!!

I know it's very naughty but I really did have to laugh!

Do you have any funny story's about the lengths people will go to?  I'm sure you do.